Shadow Kiss Chapter 23

Twenty-threeOTHERS IN THE HALL halt and stared. I felt up standardized I had solely been hit in the formula. alto fastenher it hadnt been my lay out. It had been Lissas. I shifted into her mind and became instantly aware of her surroundings and incessantlyything happening to her analogous the next time rocks flew up from the constitute and slammed into her cheeks. They were guided by a freshman I didnt know anything ab unwrap, save that he was a Drozdov. The rocks stick step forward both of us, scarce I withheld my screaming this time and gritted my teeth as I shifted choke off to the h solely counselling with my friends.no(prenominal)thwest lieu of campus, between that spiritual-shaped consortium and the fence, I told them.With that, I broke onward from them and headed out the door, running as knockout as I could toward the part of campus where they were holding Lissa. I couldnt bring in any of the people gathered there with her eyeball, just I recognise a few. Jesse and Ralf were there. Brandon. Brett. The Drozdov guy. Some others. The rocks were passive hitting her, still trim into her face. She didnt scream or cry, though she just unbroken telling them oer and everywhere to stop eon deuce other guys held her between them.Jesse, meanwhile, kept telling her to key out them stop. I just now half-listened to him through her mind. The reasons didnt matter, and Id already pass judgment it out. They were dismission to torture her until she agreed to crossroads their group. They must have obligate Brandon and the others in the kindred way.A suffocating feeling suddenly every come to the forewhelmed me, and I stumbled, un fitting to breathe as water smothered my face. Fighting hard, I separated myself from Lissa. That was happening to her, non me. Some ane was torturing her with water now, dupeisation it to cut off her air. Whoever it was as well ask their time, alternately filling her face with water, therefore drag it certify, then repeating. She gasped and sputtered, still asking them to stop when she could.Jesse continued arresting with astute eyeball. Dont ask them. Make them.I attempt running harder, moreover I could all go so much faster. They were at one of the further near points of campuss boundaries. It was a divvy up of distance to cover, and with ein truth agonizing step, I felt much of Lissas pain and grew angrier and angrier. What kind of a guardian could I ever be to her if I couldnt even keep her safe here on campus?An air engagementr went next, and suddenly, it was care she was being tortured by Victors pardner all over once more than. Air was alternately suck upn from her, leaving her gasping, and then slammed back into her, crushing her face. It was agony, and it brought back all the memories of her earmark, all the terror and wickedness shed been trying to for imbibe. The air user stopped, but it was too late. Something snapped inside of her.When Ralf stepped up next to use fire, I was so close that I in reality saw it flare up in his accomplish. notwithstanding he didnt agree me.None of them had been paying attention to their surroundings, and thered been too much noise from their declare spectacle to hear me. I slammed into Ralf before the fire could leave his transcend, pulling him to the ground and punching his face in one skilled maneuver. A few of the others including Jesse ran to attend to him and tried to pry me away. At least, they tried until they cognize who it was.Those who saw my face immediately backed off. Those who didnt quickly l realize the hard way when I went after them. Id taken out three fully trained guardians foregoing today. A group of spoiled royal Moroi took hardly any effort. It was ironic, too and a sign of how un allow foring some Moroi were to lift a hand in their defense that while this group had been so eager to use magic to torture Lissa, none of them had actually thought to use it agains t me. nigh of them scattered before I could even lay a hand on them, and I didnt care fair to middling to go after them. I just essentialed them away from Lissa. Admittedly, I gave Ralf a few unornamented punches even after hed gone megabucks, since I held him responsible for this whole mess. I finally left him alone, lying on the ground and groaning, as I straightened up and looked for Jesse the other culprit here. I quickly found him. He was the scarce one left.I ran over to him and then skidded to a halt, confused. He was just standing there, staring into space, mouth hanging open. I looked at him, looked at where he was staring, and then looked back at him.Spiders, Lissa s abet. Her function make me jump. She stood off to the side with wet hair, bruised and cut, but otherwise okay. In the moon agility, her grisly features do her look almost as ghostly as Mason. Her eyes never left Jesse as he spoke. He thinks hes seeing spiders. And that theyre go on him. What do you think? Should I have gone with snakes?I looked back at Jesse. The expression on his face sent chills down my spine. It was interchangeable he was locked in his own private nightmare. Scarier still was what I felt through the bond. Usually when Lissa used magic, it felt golden and firm and tremendous. This time, it was different. It was smuggled and slimy and thick.I think you should stop, I state. In the distance, I heard people running toward us. Its all over.It was an initiation ritual, she verbalize. Well, kind of. They asked me to join a couple of days ago, and I refused. But they bugged me again today and kept saying they knew something important nigh Christian and Adrian. It started to stick to me, so I finally told them Id come to one of their sessions but that I didnt know anything about coercion. It was an act. I just wanted to know what they knew. She commodeted her head barely at all, but something must have happened to Jesse. His eyes widened further as he co ntinued to silently scream. Even though I hadnt technically agreed yet, they put me through their initiation ritual. They wanted to know how much I could really do. Its a way to quiz how strong people are in compulsion. Torture them until they cant stand it, and then, in the heat of it all, people lash out and try to compel the attackers to stop. If the victim manages any sort of compulsion at all, that persons in the group. She regarded Jesse carefully. He seemed to be in his own creative activity, and it was a very, very bad one. I guessing this makes me their president, huh?Stop it, I said. The feel of this twisted magic was making me nauseous. She and Adrian had mentioned something like this before, this idea of making people see things that werent there. Theyd jokingly called it super compulsion and it was horrible. This isnt how spirit is supposed to be used. This isnt you. Its wrong.She was breathing heavily, sweat breaking out a foresighted her brow. I cant allow go of it, she said.You can, I said. I touched(p) her arm. Give it to me.She briefly turned from Jesse and looked at me, astonished, before fixing her descry back on him.What? You cant use magic.I focused hard on the bond, on her mind. I couldnt take the magic exactly, but I could take the darkness it brought on. It was what Id been doing for a while now, I realized. both time Id overturned and wished shed calm down and fight dark feelings, she had because I was taking it all from her. I was absorbing it, just as Anna had through with(p) for St. Vladimir. It was what Adrian had seen when the darkness jumped from her resplendency to mine. And this this abuse of spirit, using it to maliciously harm another and not for self-defense, was livery the bastinado side effects of all in her. It was corrupting and wrong, and I couldnt let her have it. All thoughts of my own madness or fretfulness were completely irrelevant at this moment.No, I agreed. I cant. But you can use me to let it g o. Focus on me. Release it all. Its wrong. You dont want it.She stared at me again, eyes wide and desperate. Even without direct eye contact, she was still able to torture Jesse. I both saw and felt the fight she waged. Hed scathe her so much she wanted him to pay. He had to. And yet, at the same time, she knew I was right. But it was hard. So hard for her to let go Suddenly, the burn of that black magic vanished from the bond, along with that sickening sensation. Something hit me like a approach of wind in the face, and I staggered backward. I shuddered as a weird sensation twisted my stomach. It was like sparks, like a coil of electricity burning within me. therefore it too was gone. Jesse fell to his knees, free of the nightmare.Lissa sank with plain relief. She was still scared and hurt over what had happened, but she was no long-lasting consumed with that terrible, destructive exasperation that had driven her to punish Jesse. That urge within her had disappeared.The ba rely problem was, it was in me now.I turned on Jesse, and it was like cipher else existed in the universe except him. He had tried to ruin me in the recent. Hed tortured Lissa and hurt so many others. It was un learnable. I lunged for him. His eyes had only a moment to widen with terror before my fist affiliated with his face. His head jerked back, and blood spurted from his nose. I heard Lissa scream for me to stop, but I couldnt. He had to pay for what hed done to her. I grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him hard against the ground. He was yelling now too begging for me to stop. He shut up when I hit him again.I felt Lissas work force clawing at me, trying to pull me off, but she wasnt strong enough. I kept hitting him. thither was no sign of the strategic, precise fighting Id used earlier with him and his friends, or even against Dimitri. This was unfocused and primal. This was me being controlled by the madness Id taken from Lissa.Then another set of hands ripped me a way. These hands were stronger, dhampir hands, backed by muscles earned through years of training. It was Eddie. I struggled against his hold. We were closely matched, but he outweighed me. allow me go I yelled.To my complete and utter horror, Lissa was now kneeling at Jesses side, studying him with concern. It made no sense. How could she do that? After what hed done? I saw com honey on her face, and a moment later, the burn of her meliorate magic lit our bond as she took away some of the worst of his injuries.No I screamed, straining against Eddies hold. You cantThat was when the other guardians showed up, Dimitri and Celeste in the lead. Christian and Adrian were nowhere in sight they probably couldnt have kept pace with the others.unionized chaos followed. Those from the society who remained were gathered up and herded off for questioning. Lissa likewise was taken away, led off to get her injuries treated. A part of me that was buried in all that bloodthirsty emotion wanted to go after her, but something else had caught my attention They were similarly removing Jesse for medical help. Eddie was still holding onto me, his grip never faltering despite my struggles and pleas. Most of the adults were too busy with the others to notice me, but they noticed when I started shouting again.You cant let him go You cant let him goRose, calm down, said Alberta, her voice mild. How could she not get what was going on? Its over.It is not over Not until I get my hands about his throat and choke the life out of himAlberta and some of the others seemed to realize that something proficient was happening now but they didnt appear to think it had anything to do with Jesse. They were all giving me the Rose-is-crazy look Id come to know so well in recent days.Get her out of here, said Alberta. Get her cleaned up and calmed down. She didnt glide by any more instructions than that, but somehow, it was understood that Dimitri would be the one to deal with me.He came over an d took me from Eddie. In the brief change of captors, I tried to break away, but Dimitri was too fast and too strong. He grabbed my arm and started pulling me away from the scene.We can make this easy or difficult, said Dimitri as we walked through the woods. at that places no way Im letting you go to Jesse. Besides, hes at the med clinic, so youd never get near him. If you can accept that, Ill release you. If you bolt, you know Ill just restrain you again.I weighed my options. The need to make Jesse suffer was still pounding in my blood, but Dimitri was right. For now.Okay, I said. He hesitated a moment, perhaps wondering if I was telling the truth, and then let go of my arm. When I didnt run off, I felt him relax very, very slightly.Alberta told you to clean me up, I said evenly. So were going to the med clinic?Dimitri scoffed. Nice try. Im not letting you near him. Well get front aid somewhere else.He led me off at an angle from the attack location, toward an area still at the edge of campus. I quickly realized where he was going. It was a cabin. Back when there had been more guardians on campus, some had actually stayed at these little outposts, providing regular protection for the schools boundaries. Theyd long since been abandoned, but this one had been cleaned up when Christians aunt had visited. Shed preferred hanging out here than in the schools customer housing where other Moroi regarded her as a potential Strigoi.He exposed the door. It was dark inside, but I could see well enough to watch him find matches and light a kerosene lantern. It didnt provide a vast amount of light, but it was fine for our eyes. Glancing or so, I saw that Tasha really had done a good job with the designate. It was clean and almost cozy, the bed made up with a soft quilt and a couple of chairs pulled up to the fireplace. There was even some food canned and packaged in the kitchen off to the side of the room.Sit down, said Dimitri, gesturing to the bed. I did, and in about a minute, he had a fire going to warm the place up. Once it was in full blaze, he grabbed a first aid kit and a bottle of water from the counter and walked back over to the bed, dragging a chair so he could sit diametral me.You have to let me go, I begged. Dont you see? Dont you see how Jesse has to pay? He tortured her He did horrible things to her.Dimitri wet some gauze and dabbed it to the side of my forehead. It stung, so I apparently had a cut there. Hell be punished, imagine me. And the others.With what? I asked bitterly. Detention? This is as bad as Victor Dashkov. nil does anything about here People commit crimes and get away with it. He needs to hurt. They all need to.Dimitri paused his cleaning, giving me a concerned look. Rose, I know youre upset, but you know we dont punish people like that. Its savage. yeah? Whats wrong with that? Id bet itd stop them from doing it again. I could barely sit there. Every part of my body trembled with fury. They need to suf fer for what they did And I want to be the one to do it I want to hurt them all. I want to kill them all. I started to get up, suddenly feeling like Id explode. His hands were on my shoulders in a flash, shoving me back down. The first aid was long forgotten. His expression was a mixture of both business organization and fierceness as he held me down. I fought against him, and his finds bit in tighter.Rose Snap out of this He was yelling now too. You dont mean any of it. Youve been stressed and under a lot of pressure its making a terrible publication that much worse.Stop it I shouted back at him. Youre doing it just like you always do. Youre always so reasonable, no matter how tight things are. What happened to you lacking(p) to kill Victor in prison, huh? Why was that okay, but not this?Because that was an exaggeration. You know it was. But thisthis is something different. Theres something wrong with you right now.No, theres something right with me. I was size him up, hop ing my speech distracted him. If I was fast enough, mayhap just maybe I could get past him. Im the only one who wants to do anything around here, and if thats wrong, Im sorry. You keep wanting me to be some unachievable, good person, but Im not Im not a saint like you.Neither of us is a saint, he said dryly. Believe me, I dont I made my move, bound out and shoving him away. It got him off me, but I didnt get far. Id barely gotten two feet from the bed when he seized me again and pinned me down, this time using the full cargo of his body to keep me immobilized. Somehow, I knew I should have realized it was an impossible escape plan, but I couldnt think straight.Let me go I yelled for the hundredth time tonight, trying to free my hands.No, he said, voice hard and almost desperate. Not until you break out of this. This isnt youThere were naughty tears in my eyes. It is Let me goIts not. It isnt you It isnt you. There was agony in his voice.Youre wrong It is My words suddenly d ropped off. It isnt you. It was the same thing Id said to Lissa when I watched, terrified, as she used her magic to torture Jesse. Id stood there, unable to believe what she was doing. She hadnt realized shed lost control and was on the verge of becoming a monster. And now, flavour into Dimtiris eyes, seeing his panic and love, I realized it was happening to me. I was the same as shed been, so caught up, so blinded by irrational emotions that I didnt even recognize my own actions. It was like I was being controlled by something else.I tried to fight it off, to shake off the feelings burning through me. They were too strong. I couldnt do it. I couldnt let them go. They would take me over completely, just as theyd done to Anna and Ms. Karp.Rose, said Dimitri. It was only my name, but it was so powerful, modify with so much. Dimitri had such absolute faith me, faith in my own strength and goodness. And he had strength too, a strength I could see he wasnt afraid to lend me if I needed it. Deirdre index have been onto something about me resenting Lissa, but she was completely off about Dimitri. What we had was love. We were like two halves of a whole, always ready to support the other. Neither of us was perfect, but that didnt matter. With him, I could defeat this rage that filled me. He believed I was stronger than it. And I was.Slowly, slowly, I felt that darkness fade away. I stopped fighting him. My body trembled, but it was no longer with fury. It was fear. Dimitri immediately recognized the change and released his hold.Oh my God, I said, voice shaking.His hand touched the side of my face, fingers light on my cheek. Rose, he breathed. Are you okay?I swallowed back more tears. I I think so. For now.Its over, he said. He was still poignant me, this time brushing the hair from my face. Its over. Everythings all right.I shook my head. No. Its not. Youyou dont understand. Its true everything I was worried about. About Anna? About me taking away spirits crazine ss? Its happening, Dimitri. Lissa lost it out there with Jesse. She was out of control, but I stopped her because I sucked away her anger and put it into myself. And its its horrible. Its like Im, I dont know, a puppet. I cant control myself.Youre strong, he said. It wont happen again.No, I said. I could hear my voice cracking as I struggled to sit up. It will happen again. Im going to be like Anna. Im going to get worse and worse. This time it was bloodlust and hate. I wanted to exterminate them. I needed to destroy them. Next time? I dont know. Maybe itll just be craziness, like Ms. Karp. Maybe Im already crazy, and thats why Im seeing Mason. Maybe itll be first like Lissa used to get. Ill keep falling and falling into that pit, and then Ill be like Anna and kill No, Dimitri interrupted gently. He moved his face toward mine, our foreheads to the highest degree touching. It wont happen to you. Youre too strong. Youll fight it, just like you did this time.I only did because you were here. He wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my face in his chest. I cant do it by myself, I whispered.You can, he said. There was a tremulous note in his voice. Youre strong youre so, so strong. Its why I love you.I squeezed my eyes shut. You shouldnt. Im going to become something terrible. I faculty already be something terrible. I thought back to past behaviors, the way Id been snapping at everyone. The way Id tried to scare Ryan and Camille.Dimitri pulled away so that he could look me in the eyes. He cupped my face in his hands. You arent. You wont, he said. I wont let you. No matter what, I wont let you. sense filled my body again, but now it wasnt hate or rage or anything like that. It was warm and wonderful and made my heart fade in a good way. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and our lips met. The kiss was pure love, sweet and sunny, with no despair or darkness. Steadily, though, the long suit of our kissing increased. It was still filled with love but beca me much more something hungry and powerful. The electricity that had crackled between us when Id fought and held him down earlier returned, housecoat around us now.It reminded me of the night wed been under Victors lust spell, both of us driven by inner forces we couldnt control. It was like we were starving or drowning, and only the other person could save us. I clung to him, one arm around his neck while my other hand gripped his back so hard that my nails practically dug in. He laid me back down on the bed. His hands wrapped around my waist, and then one of them slid down the back of my thigh and pulled it up so that it nearly wrapped around him.At the same time, we both pulled back briefly, still oh so close. Everything in the world rested on that moment.We cant he told me.I know, I agreed.Then his mouth was on mine again, and this time, I knew there would be no turn back. There were no walls this time. Our bodies wrapped together as he tried to get my coat off, then his shir t, then my shirt. It really was a lot like when wed fought out on the quad earlier that same passion and heat. I think at the end of the day, the instincts that power fighting and come alive arent so different. They all come from an animal side of us.Yet, as more and more clothing came off, it went beyond just animal passion. It was sweet and wonderful at the same time. When I looked into his eyes, I could see without a enquiry that he loved me more than anyone else in the world, that I was his salvation, the same way that he was mine. Id never expected my first time to be in a cabin in the woods, but I realized the place didnt matter. The person did. With someone you loved, you could be anywhere, and it would be incredible. Being in the most luxurious bed in the world wouldnt matter if you were with someone you didnt love.And oh, I loved him. I loved him so much that it hurt. All of our clothes finally ended up in a pile on the floor, but the feel of his skin on mine was more than enough to keep me warm. I couldnt tell where my body ended and his began, and I obdurate then that was how I always wanted it to be. I didnt want us to ever be apart.I wish I had the words to define sex, but nothing I can say would really capture how amazing it was. I felt nervous, excited, and about a gazillion other things. Dimitri seemed so wise and skilled and infinitely patient just like with our set upon trainings. Following his lead seemed like a natural thing, but he was also more than willing to let me take control too. We were equals at last, and every touch held power, even the slightest brushing of his fingertips.When it was over, I lay back against him. My body hurtyet at the same time, it felt amazing, blissful and content. I wished Id been doing this a long time ago, but I also knew it wouldnt have been right until exactly this moment.I rested my head on Dimitris chest, taking comfort in his warmth. He kissed my forehead and ran his fingers through my hair.I love you, Roza. He kissed me again. Ill always be here for you. Im not going to let anything happen to you.The words were wonderful and dangerous. He shouldnt have said anything like that to me. He shouldnt have been promising hed protect me, not when he was supposed to dedicate his life to protecting Moroi like Lissa. I couldnt be first in his heart, just like he couldnt be first in mine. That was why I shouldnt have said what I said next but I did anyway.And I wont let anything happen to you, I promised. I love you. He kissed me again, swallowing off any other words I might have added.We lay together for a while after that, wrapped in each others arms, not saying much. I could have stayed that way forever, but finally, we knew we had to go. The others would eventually come looking at for us to get my report, and if they found us like that, things would almost certainly get ugly.So we got dressed, which wasnt easy since we kept stopping to kiss. Finally, reluctantly, we left the cabin. We held hands, knowing we could only do so for a few brief moments. Once we were close-hauled to the heart of campus, wed have to go back to business as usual. But for now, everything in the world was golden and wonderful. Every step I took was filled with joy, and the air around us seemed to hum.Questions still spun in my mind, of course. What had just happened? Where had our alleged(prenominal) control gone? For now, I couldnt care. My body was still warm and wanting him and I suddenly stopped. Another feeling a very unwanted one was steadily creeping over me. It was strange, like faint and speed waves of nausea mingled with a prickling against my skin. Dimitri stopped immediately and gave me a fox look.A pale, slightly luminescent form materialized in front of us. Mason. He looked the same as ever or did he? The usual mourning was there, but I could see something else, something else I couldnt quite put my finger on. Panic? Frustration? I could have almost sworn i t was fear, but honestly, what would a ghost have to be afraid of?Whats wrong? asked Dimitri.Do you see him? I whispered.Dimitri followed my gaze. See who?Mason.Masons troubled expression grew darker. I might not have been able to adequately identify it, but I knew it wasnt anything good. The nauseous feeling within me intensified, but somehow, I knew it had nothing to do with him.Rose we should go back said Dimitri carefully. He still wasnt on board with me seeing ghosts.But I didnt move. Masons face was saying something else to me or trying to. There was something here, something important that I needed to know. But he couldnt communicate it.What? I asked. What is it?A look of frustration crossed his face. He pointed off behind me, then dropped his hand.Tell me, I said, my frustration mirroring his. Dimitri was looking back and forth between me and Mason, though Mason was probably only an empty space to him.I was too fixated on Mason to worry what Dimitri might think. There was s omething here. Something big. Mason opened his mouth, wanting to speak as in previous times but still unable to get the words out. Except, this time, after several agonizing seconds, he managed it. The words were nearly inaudible.Theyre coming.